


Even If I Had The Words, I Wouldn't Know What To Say

by mxwolfpack



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Changkyun is clueless, Hyungkyun, Hyungwon is jaded, I threw Jin in here because I could, JooHyuk, M/M, Showki, Soulmates, please enjoy this I'm actually really proud of it, this is self-indulgent as hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25798945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxwolfpack/pseuds/mxwolfpack
Summary: In a world where Im Changkyun needs a job and Chae Hyungwon needs to pass his class, two soulmates meet in a less-then-optimal way.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M, Lee Jooheon/Lee Minhyuk, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 36
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

The most important day of anyone’s life in modern society was also the most anticipated one. It was passed down in private and whispered amongst friends and family in public, and every wide-eyed child in the world looked forward to the day they too would experience the phenomenon that ruled their hearts. 

The day of one’s twenty-first birthday was the day they received their soulmate mark.

Changkyun looked around the shuttle bus half-heartedly, the earbuds that were crammed into his ears playing a techno track that was as soothing as techno could be, and couldn’t miss the various brightly-colored marks on the wrists of some of the students around him. It was his junior year and he was heading back from the main campus to the small housing complex off-campus after desperately trying (and failing) to switch time slots for a class he really would rather not take anyway. He was convinced that there was no need for him to have to take a world history class - he was a _chem major,_ for God’s sake. But one exhausted look from the lady in the counseling office decided that an 8 AM on Mondays and Wednesdays could somehow be worse, so he had headed home empty handed.

It was strange to him, being halfway through his third year already when just yesterday it felt like he was applying for admittance. He was an international student, which wasn’t particularly uncommon since he had chosen a large research institute as his place of study, but he had done quite a bit of traveling when he was younger, so the language barrier wasn’t particularly difficult to adapt to. He was lucky enough to be placed with another Korean international student his freshman year in the dorms, and the two clicked quickly; although Lee Hoseok was now graduated and had taken a job overseas as a physical therapist, Hoseok’s younger friends were now Changkyun’s friends and Changkyun was invited to live in their apartment when Hoseok had left. The two still kept in touch regularly but the loss was still a weight in the bottom of Changkyun’s stomach. He was never very good at leaving friends behind.

The shuttle bus rolled to a stop, doors swinging open, and Changkyun tossed his backpack over his shoulder as he got off. The weather was mild for the area in January - it was sprinkling lightly with a chilly breeze, but Changkyun’s winter jacket cut through easily as he made his way to the apartment he temporarily called home. He unlocked the door when he reached it, dropping his bag in the foyer next to three other backpacks.

He barely had a moment of pause before a figure approached him, wrapped tightly in a fluffy robe and eyebags prominent even so early in the semester.

“Shoes off,” Yoo Kihyun announced, dark eyes analyzing the boy in his usual piercing fashion. “Hyunwoo ordered pizzas for dinner because Jooheon fucked up the oven earlier. Don’t talk about it, though, he feels bad enough already. He cried for, like, an hour.”

Changkyun chuckled, kicking his boots into the shoe organizer next to his backpack. “Sounds good. Venmo him, then?”

Kihyun smiled. “Nah, let him pay. He got a job today.”

Changkyun raised an eyebrow. “Oh? That’s great news; which place called him back?”

“Turned out that fancy brewery downtown needed a replacement chef, and Hyunwoo applied at just the right time. The university’s credentials ended up helping him get the leg up he needed and his interview went well. He starts next week.”

“That’s fantastic,” Changkyun said, hanging his lanyard up on the color-coded hangers that Kihyun was so proud of installing in the apartment last semester. “How are you? How’s nursing school?”

Kihyun’s eyebrows furrowed and he knocked back the last of his coffee, which Changkyun had learned the hard way not to tease him for. The boy seemed to always have some sort of espresso in his possession, so much that it barely affected him anymore and was more a force of habit than anything. “Same old, same old; I’m going to graduate on time, thank heavens, but my brain is getting full and I might strangle the next patient that wants their nurse to be female.”

“You’re the top-scoring student in the program, hyung. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.”

Kihyun hummed in acknowledgement, smile still gracing his startlingly angelic features. “Speaking of jobs, I know you’ve been looking - I set the campus paper on your desk after I found a few ads running for places that were hiring. Go check them out for me.”

“Will do, hyung. Thank you.”

Kihyun nodded, turning away and making to head back to his own room. 

“Anyway, I’m going to go lay down for a bit before dinner; I give you permission to pour cold water on me if I refuse to wake up for dinner.”

“You and I both know I would never do that. Sleep-deprived Kihyun is terrifying.”

“I’ll set an alarm, then. See you in half an hour.”

Kihyun waved as he walked away, and Changkyun swallowed thickly when he saw the gold mark on his housemate’s wrist glitter in the artificial light. Kihyun and Hyunwoo had met and became friends far before either’s twenty-first birthday - they were childhood friends who swore to never leave each other’s side from a very young age, and the two had chosen to travel abroad for university together and be dormmates far before learning they were soulmates. It was the most natural thing in the world, Kihyun’s wrist lighting up with the golden symbol for Gemini and gasping when he met his best friend’s gaze. They had been hoping for a reciprocal bond since Hyunwoo had turned twenty-one and his wrist had flashed a Sagittarius symbol, but the union was a wonderful thing to witness because it was damn near storybook in nature. Changkyun, Hoseok and Changkyun’s best friend Lee Jooheon had watched in awe as Kihyun’s eyes filled with happy tears, and the two hadn’t let go of each other since. 

Normally, seeing a soulmark fascinated Changkyun. After all, his father was a scientist who specialized in the human body chemistry associated with the soulmark, and he had grown up learning story after story of the amazing things soulmarks could do for people’s lives.

But he had less than a month until his own twenty-first birthday, and he was scared.

Scared, mainly because he was no longer the little boy whose head was filled with fairytale stories and the cream of the crop when it came to soulmate interactions. He had witnessed loss - his mother passing away suddenly, leaving his father cooped up in his study working frantically day and night; two of his professors’ children, lost in a car accident, leaving behind two soulmates who would never know why their mark didn’t show; his classmate’s soulmate who was too ill emotionally to cope with the stress of life, who left a note and a kiss goodbye. The closer Changkyun got to his own date, the more fearful he became. 

He had selfishly hoped it would be one of his friends - Hoseok would have been a wonderful soulmate, or Jooheon, who was always so selfless and enthusiastic. Kihyun was generous and incredibly talented, and Hyunwoo was hilarious and caring beyond belief, but Changkyun knew from the first day he’d met them that they were meant for one another. He had selfishly hoped he would have that, the easy transition from friend to soulmate. And he had held out that hope until Hoseok had met his soulmate working an internship at a kinesiology lab and had moved with him overseas, and Jooheon had met his soulmate in Lee Minhyuk, a veterinary student who worked part-time as a tour guide for the university and had quickly become Changkyun’s closest confidant aside from his roommates. Changkyun wasn’t the best at making friends - he was shy to a fault and much preferred the familiar - so, when his list of potential soulmates had run out and he realized he would be facing a completely unknown situation, he slowly began to resent the idea of his twenty-first birthday.

And here it was, just two weeks away. He still wasn’t ready.

Changkyun shook himself off, trying to clear his head the best he could before he pushed open the door to his own room and landed face-first down on his mattress.

There was a snort of laughter from the other side of the room, and then Jooheon’s voice.

“Hard day, there, buddy?’

Changkyun looked up, startled to realize it wasn’t just him and his roommate alone in the room. Minhyuk was perched on the edge of Jooheon’s bunk, eyes glued to a handheld console, and Jooheon was below the bunk at his desk with a frightening amount of colored pens scattered around him. Jooheon was a linguistics major, a genius in his field but a goofball outside of it, and it was his last year at university, which meant he had to cram like mad. His and Minhyuk’s soulmarks glowed a crimson red in the low light and Changkyun tried to swallow the jealousy that bubbled up. _It’s not their fault I’m gonna end up in a failed relationship._

Jooheon swiveled his chair around, raising an eyebrow, and Changkyun sighed.

“They wouldn’t change my time slot, I stepped in a huge puddle with my favorite boots, and my birthday is in two weeks. Please take one of your fancy pens and stab it through my eye.”

Minhyuk snorted, putting down the console for a moment. “Oh, poor baby.”

Changkyun just grunted in response, and Jooheon stood up, walking to his best friend’s bed to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“You still nervous about your birthday? C’mon, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that. They could be mean, or a serial killer, or a _theatre major._ I could be doomed for the rest of my life, hyung. I might as well just end it all.”

Jooheon smacked his best friend lightly. “Knock it off. Whoever ends up being your soulmate is going to love you, and I know you’ve done enough good in this world to warrant a good soulmate. Give the guy or girl some credit; they might be exactly what you need.”

Changkyun coughed, shoving his head back into his duvet. “Minhyuk hyung, I hate you. I want to be Honey hyung’s soulmate. I’m revoking your privilege and transferring it to me.”

Minhyuk grinned. “See, you _say_ that, but you’re not the one who is now tied to someone who snores like a bear with asthma. I distinctly remember how much you complain about that.”

“Hmm, you’re right,” Changkyun murmured, smiling at Jooheon’s now-offended expression. “Whatever God is watching us, please grant me a soulmate who sleeps quietly.”

Minhyuk laughed, hopping gracefully off the bunk ladder and coming forward to wrap his arms around his soulmate’s middle. “We’re just teasing you, Joo. Go organize your fancy pens, we won’t tease you anymore.”

Jooheon huffed dramatically and turned on his heel, breaking his soulmate’s grip. Minhyuk instead settled on the edge of Changkyun’s bed, carding a soothing hand through his hair.

“Don’t get too worked up about it, okay? I’m sure things will run smoothly and you’ll wonder why you were ever stressed out about it. Life works in mysterious ways, remember?”

Changkyun groaned. “I’m a STEM major, hyung. We don’t leave anything up to ‘life’.”

“Is that your field or your anxiety talking?” Minhyuk teased. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Just trying to lighten the mood.”

Changkyun looked up. “You and Honey hyung always help. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”

Minhyuk smiled. “You know that, if your soulmate ever doesn’t work out, that you are always welcome to live with us. You’re more than your soulmark, Kyun.”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you.”

With that, Minhyuk stood and crossed the room once more to card his hands through his boyfriend’s soft black hair. Changkyun rolled off his bed, contemplating crashing to the floor for a few moments before he reeled his dignity back in and walked to his own desk. He collapsed in the gaming chair that was far too expensive for the small amount of time he was allowed to spend gaming and began to leaf through the paper placed neatly on the tabletop.

Without looking, Jooheon spoke up. “How’s the job hunt?”

“It’s something,” Changkyun said, flipping aimlessly until he found the section Kihyun had been talking about. “It’s hard trying to find something that will give me the hours I need but won’t interfere with my lab schedule. Kihyun hyung has been helping me look but I still haven’t found anything.”

Minhyuk perked up. “Are you interested in working for a different department on campus?”

Changkyun raised a brow. “What do you have in mind?”

“A friend of mine is in the fashion design department at school and they’re looking for male models to showcase their work. I heard it pays pretty well and you basically just...stand there.”

“Hmm,” Changkyun muttered, still leafing through the newspaper and seeing piles upon piles of boring service jobs that required an open schedule. “Perhaps. Do they have a website?”

Minhyuk laughed. “Nah, but I have the professor’s phone number. Can you make a call?”

A pleading look sent in his direction changed Minhyuk’s mind. “Okay. I’ll call.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I will try to update this fic fairly regularly!!! I'm in the middle of writing like five different fics but this one is my priority tbh)
> 
> As my poor roommates know, Hyungkyun is my ultimate OTP ship and I've been meaning to do a multi-chapter soulmate AU fanfiction for AGES so I'm so excited to be posting this. I hope I can find a few other Hyungkyun shippers to cry over these boys with because we are few and far between ;A; ANYWAY, please enjoy, and thank you so much for giving my writing a chance!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Changkyun fidgeted with the frayed straps on his backpack as he stood underneath the overhang of the fashion design building. It was pouring rain, so much so that the few feet between the last step of the bus and the start of the overhang still left him drenched, and he had woken up in a foul mood, which didn’t ease his anxiety in the slightest.

Despite having a linguistics major as a roommate, Changkyun wasn’t the biggest fan of liberal arts students. In his experience, they were so self-righteous, always ready to argue. Changkyun preferred the quiet anonymity of data and numbers, and his fellow STEM students tended to leave him alone, even during group projects. He began resenting the idea of his new job as his first day got closer and closer and, now that he was steps from the room his employers were in, he wanted to turn tail and run away. 

However, as soon as the clock reached the ten minute mark before he was supposed to be inside, he slipped through the double doors and padded down the hallway to find the classroom.

Inside was congested, so much so that Changkyun began to hold his breath as he slipped past students conversing. Everyone was dressed to the nines, even on a random Wednesday in the third week of the semester, and they all looked incredibly put-together compared to the rumpled flannel and second-hand jeans Changkyun had assumed would be the normal garb for such an occasion. He put his head down and made his way to the front of the room.

The professor, a Mr. Chae whom Changkyun had communicated a few times with through e-mail, stood at the front talking with a tall boy with startlingly pale skin and sharp features. Changkyun approached shyly, trying to muster up whatever confidence was left in his bones, and Mr. Chae and the boy turned to him with surprised faces.

Mr. Chae’s face flickered with recognition before he extended a hand to the newcomer.

“Hello. You must be Im Changkyun, yes?”

Changkyun bit his tongue. “Y-Yes, hello. I hope I’m not here too early?”

“No, no, you’re perfectly timed. In fact, your designer is right next to me. This is my son, Hyungwon. You’ll be working as a model for him.”

Changkyun panned over to the tall boy standing next to the professor - er, his dad - and cringed internally. It figured that he was put with the most intimidating person he’d ever seen - the boy, Hyungwon, did a full-body scan of Changkyun with his lips pursed before he shrugged and turned his gaze back to his father. 

Hyungwon sighed and, when he did speak, it was scarily monotone. 

“Nice to meet you. I hope we get along.”

Changkyun immediately went through all of the stages of grief, regretting his decision as he looked into empty, soulless eyes. Objectively, he knew who Chae Hyungwon was - he was Minhyuk’s friend, though Changkyun couldn’t possibly see the two getting along, and he was the prince of the university. Both his parents were professors and doctors in their field, and he made top marks, performed in a popular dance group on-campus, sang in the choir and volunteered in his free time. The girls all went insane over him, but Changkun couldn’t pinpoint him ever looking anyone’s way. He was all work and no play, and Changkyun was terrified.

Hyungwon stepped off the podium, signalling halfheartedly to Changkyun to follow him to his station. Changkyun felt a little too much like a duckling as he dutifully trailed behind his new boss, accepting his fate and preparing to make the best of it. Hyungwon pulled his measuring tape out of his toolbox, his features far too soft for his abrasive persona and, just for a moment, Changkyun wondered if it was all a front.

Then Hyungwon fixed Changkyun with a disapproving glare, and Changkyun gave up. 

“Strip,” Hyungwon gestured, looking remarkably bored. Changkyun flushed crimson.

“Excuse me?!”

“I said ‘strip’. I have some pieces that will fit you and I want to see what alterations I might have to make. That _is_ your job - you do know that, right?”

Changkyun cursed under his breath, but he nodded, pulling off his flannel and stepping out of his jeans. Despite being a fairly anxious individual, Changkyun was relatively self-confident, and his physical appearance was no exception - after befriending Hoseok and Hyunwoo, he was in the gym more than he’d care to admit, and he knew he was pretty gifted when it came to facial features, so he wasn’t hurting in that aspect. It was a little strange, being in a T-shirt and boxers in the middle of a classroom, but he _was_ getting paid for it, and at this point there was little he wouldn’t do for the extra cash.

Hyungwon gave him one very unreadable stare before he whipped out the measuring tape and began taking numbers down.

The next hour was spent in near silence, Hyungwon not uttering a single word and simply handing Changkyun different pieces to draw on, and Changkyun simply dissociated through the whole thing, barely paying attention to what he was trying on. It turned out that Hyungwon’s fashion, despite himself being clad strictly in monochrome, was rather bright and fun, and Changkyun genuinely enjoyed the few pieces he came back to reality wearing. It made him wonder how different Hyungwon was, the Hyungwon that Minhyuk knew and liked, the Hyungwon the student body didn’t know about. _Not this Hyungwon._

Changkyun also came into contact with a few other students in the room throughout the fitting. The fashion students’ hired photographer, a male senior named Yoongi whom Changkyun had met a few times when he had come over to study with Kihyun, stopped by every so often to snap pictures for Hyungwon’s portfolio, and a professional stylist named Hyolyn who had graduated a few years prior fixed his hair a couple of times during the shoots and gave him posing advice as the session went on. But, for the most part, the fitting was silent, Hyungwon muttering to himself as he stacked pencils behind his ear and fussed over pattern adjustments.

An hour and a half later, Hyungwon tossed his patterning Sharpie on the table and waved Changkyun over. Changkyun approached meekly, currently in a pair of oversized shorts and a very avant-garde type of turtleneck shirt.

“You’re going to need to stop doing so much arm work at the gym,” Hyungwon mused, mainly to himself. “The bulkiness of your arms is going to make the pieces look top-heavy.”

Changkyun blinked. “I’m sorry _what?_ ”

“You want this job, don’t you? Thin out your arms. It’ll look better.” Hyungwon sneered.

“Dude, I don’t know what crawled up your ass and died, but I’m just trying to do my job. I don’t need you giving me the silent treatment and complaining about my...big arms.”

Hyungwon laughed, voice hollow. “Oh, please. I’m not here to stroke your ego. My ex-boy-” 

He cut himself off mid-sentence, pursing his lips and turning back to his patterns.

Changkyun screamed inside his mind, trying everything he could not to strangle the boy in front of him. It took every ounce of self-control he had not to just walk out in the stupid turtleneck and shorts, but he stood his ground, turning and storming his way over to grab his phone.

He found Minhyuk in his contacts and shot him a frustrated text.

_Minhyuk: Yikes. How’s Hyungwon?_

_Changkyun: He needs a new personality._

_Minhyuk: You’re not the first person to say that. Hyungwon goes through models like Halloween candy; he’s pretty okay once you get to know him, but you have to get through all the sourness before you reach that stage._

_Changkyun: No kidding about the sourness. He told me to skip arm day._

_Minhyuk: He’s honestly not a mean person. He just phrases things wrong a lot. In a way that sounds mean. He’s very...dedicated to his craft. I think it comes with being the golden child._

_Changkyun: Are you saying I should give him a second chance?_

_Minhyuk: If you can, I think it might be worth it. Hyungwon might not be the most accommodating person, but you’ve already lasted longer than most of his models. And it seems you’ve got the tenacity to tackle a project like him. Either that or you’re desperate._

_Changkyun: The latter. Alright, I’ll give him a chance. But if he insults my sick gains again, I’m out the door._

_Minhyuk: Fair. You’re a great guy, Kyun. I think he needs more great guys surrounding him. He hasn’t really gotten much of a chance to be himself._

_Changkyun: And if this doesn’t work out?_

_Minhyuk: I’ll give you $50 and I’ll let you cuddle with Jooheon for a week._

_Changkyun: I’m in. Let’s get this shit done._

He tossed his phone back in his bag and headed back to Hyungwon’s station clear-headed and armed with his competitive streak. Hyungwon raised an eyebrow.

“Done with your temper tantrum?”

Changkyun just hummed. “You’re not going to get the best of me, Chae Hyungwon. Whatever you’re doing to try and get rid of me, I’m not going to let you win. I’m going to be the best damn model you’ve ever had. You’re going to beg for me to stay when I leave.”

Hyungwon’s eyes were filled with disbelief for a few seconds before he responded.

“I’m older than you, dumbass. But fine. We’ll see how long you last.”

They fell into a groove after that - Changkyun dutifully tried on everything Hyungwon threw at him, and Hyungwon seemed a little less stressed as he adjusted patterns and drew out new concepts. Hyungwon was an artist, both in the most simple and most complex sense, and watching him work was fascinating. His work was streamlined but full of words he didn’t seem to know how to say, and the thought that Changkyun was helping him express those words was enough to tolerate the little snide offhanded comments Hyungwon slung his way every so often. 

When they had hit the hour three mark, most of the fashion design students had left and it was dark outside. Changkyun vaguely thought of the O-chem lab he was supposed to complete before class the next day, but he had just accepted the fate that he’d have to stay up late when Hyungwon threw his clothes at him and told him to pack up for the night.

As Changkyun was pulling his hoodie back on, Hyungwon finished putting the last few pieces of equipment into his box and turned to his model.

His eyes were strangely guarded. “Would Tuesday-Thursday-Sunday 3 PM to 6 PM work for you?”

Changkyun nodded. “Yeah, I have morning classes Tuesday Thursday and I don’t go to church, so I’ll be here.”

“Good.” Hyungwon looked like he wanted to say more, but instead turned and picked up his sketchbook and toolbox. “Get home safely. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It was sprinkling when Changkyun walked out of the fashion design building, but instead of hiding from the rain, he tilted his chin to the sky and looked at the stars.

 _His birthday was in a week and a half._ He’d been hesitant to look up at the stars lately, but Capricorn and Aquarius greeted him shining brighter than ever, and his lungs welcomed the evening breeze as he paused for a moment in time just to breathe and accept his fate.

The bus ride back to the apartment complex was a quiet one, Changkyun effectively blocking out the three other students on the bus and electing to listen to music with his very broken headphones. He leaned his head against the window, raindrops streaming down in a steady rhythm, and he took the time to push the sleeve of his hoodie down his arm and look at his pure, unmarked wrist for what felt like the last time.

Soon, he would have responsibilities, a duty to another person he would somehow meet in the near future. He would be expected to adjust to being an adult in record time, would be expected to court and marry his soulmate or be exiled from society as an unmarked citizen. Suddenly, his life felt less like his own, simultaneously a comforting and a frightening thought. He would soon become a slave to fate, his life written out for him at such a young age. It just didn’t seem fair.

But he wasn’t crazy enough to think he might be able to fight fate, so he accepted life as it was, and spent the rest of the trek home deep in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the amazing support I've gotten on this fic so far. I'm honestly really proud of how it's going so far, and I'm going to try and update once a week until the fic is done so you guys don't have to wait super long! 
> 
> Please let me know how you're feeling about it so far! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Routine quickly began with a single glaring difference - Hyungwon was _everywhere_ now. Before taking the job as a model, Changkyun had only seen the prince a handful of times on campus; he was known for being elusive and was often cooped up in his dad’s classroom avoiding any and all interaction. But now, everywhere he went, it seemed that Hyungwon followed. Suddenly, he was at the food court, in the library, at the gym, _everywhere._ Changkyun’s last straw happened in the apartment, when he went upstairs to find Hyungwon rifling through his closet and threatened to put a restraining order on his ass.

It was _infuriating,_ how close Hyungwon got with all of Changkyun’s friends so quickly. He had known Minhyuk already, of course, but Jooheon and Hyunwoo and Kihyun immediately decided to adopt Hyungwon into the group when Changkyun had first come home and vented about his shitty attitude. Now it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to see Hyungwon hanging out at their kitchen table, conversing with Jooheon and Kihyun or baking with Minhyuk or getting dance tips from Hyunwoo, and it drove Changkyun to immeasurable lengths. He spent less and less time at the apartment and more and more time stuffed into a chair in the library, glaring at his laptop with his mind miles away. He had started to fail assignments and was seriously questioning if everything was worth it when someone dropped a letter on his keyboard.

He looked up, but nobody was there. Curiosity quickly got the best of him - after he determined it was not a bomb, of course - and he peeled open the envelope.

It was an invitation.

_To his twenty-first birthday party._

He scanned through the information on the card, panic rising in his throat as he read the details - _January 26th, at their apartment, starting at 7:00 and ending at midnight._ He had just three days to prepare for this party, so he knew that one of the primary planners must have been Kihyun - there was no way in _hell_ that Kihyun would let such a party happen with such short notice unless he was directly involved. But he also knew that Kihyun was unbelievably busy, as were the rest of his roommates and friends, and they all knew that his plans for his twenty-first birthday included a locked bedroom door and a tub of vanilla ice cream, so he sat motionless for a few moments before ripping his phone out of his pocket and clicking on the group chat.

_Changkyun: who in the fuck decided to throw me a birthday party_

It took five agonizingly long minutes to receive a reply.

_Jooheon: sorry, kid, it was an offer we could not decline_

_Changkyun: what does that even mean_

_Kihyun: it means suck it up and enjoy your party_

Changkyun sighed, hiding his face in his hands with his elbows propped on the table as he tried to even out his breathing. Logically, of course, there was no reason to panic. It was only for a few hours - even less, if he could call Jooheon and explain to him that he would rather die than spend five hours with the attention on him - but the concept of it was excruciating. It was a normal thing for kids his age to have birthday parties for the day they received their soulmark, to celebrate a coming-of-age and as a showcase of sorts. As long as one’s soulmate is alive, the soulmark will show on their twenty-first birthday, but it will be black until they first lock eyes with their soulmate once they have both received their mark. Everyone who’s ever experienced a Marking says it’s something to be cherished. But the thought of all eyes being on him, watching him, _judging him,_ was something he could barely cope with.

Instead, he tossed his textbook into his backpack, swung the strap over his shoulder, and walked straight through the double doors of the library and directly into someone else.

Changkyun fumbled with the laptop in his arms as he fell and, in his haste to protect his prized possession, he landed straight on his left wrist, which crumpled under his weight. He bit back a scream of pain as he landed and quickly curled into a ball once he was on the floor, setting his laptop down to nurse his wrist which was now alarmingly flimsy.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was...Kyun?”

Changkyun looked up and immediately forgot about his wrist in favor of springing up and wrapping his arms tightly around the person he missed more than anything in the world.

Hoseok stood in front of him, as bright and beautiful as Changkyun had remembered him, and hugged him back immediately. Changkyun held back the tears as he felt the solid form of his freshman year best friend around him, and Hoseok’s hand reached up to card through Changkyun’s hair as Changkyun shook with unfallen tears beneath him.

“You came back, you came _back,_ ” Changkyun whispered, holding Hoseok as tightly as he could with his now-injured arm. “You _asshole,_ you just disappeared…”

“Shh, shh, I know,” Hoseok replied, “I’m so sorry I didn’t call, I don’t have any excuse big enough to justify me vanishing the way that I did. But Kyun, I’m here for your birthday - you little brat, I had to hear that you were nearly twenty-one from Hyunwoo, you didn’t even _mention_ it!”

Changkyun looked up with a watery smile. “To be honest, I was trying to forget.”

Hoseok looked back, disapproval evident in his features but a brightness still in his eyes. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you? You’re still scared of things you can’t control.”

“You know me,” Changkyun laughed, waving his friend off. “Always scared.”

The wave Changkyun did brought his dominant wrist into Hoseok’s view, and Hoseok immediately gasped and grabbed it. “Oh my God, did you fall on your hand?! Kyun, it looks broken, we have to get you to the ER immediately. Oh my God, I can’t believe I did this.”

The next hour was chaos, Hoseok bundling Changkyun into his rental car and making a panicked phone call to Hyunwoo as they careened across the freeway heading to urgent care. They checked in, Hoseok nearly in tears as he held an ice pack on Changkyun’s injured wrist, and were escorted to the back after what felt like an eon. Changkyun was told he had broken his wrist and would need to get a cast on, something he slightly panicked over before Hoseok told him he would be paying for all of Changkyun’s medical costs, and the next few steps went by smoothly before Hoseok saw Kihyun’s souped-up minivan pulling into the parking lot and nearly launched into a panic attack when he realized he was going to have to explain what happened to Kihyun’s precious baby boy.

Kihyun stormed in, a concerned-looking Hyunwoo and an amused-looking Jooheon trailing behind him, and pointed a finger at the offender.

“You! We leave you out of our sight for twenty minutes and you _break his arm?_ ”

Hoseok groaned, but it was Changkyun who spoke first. “You _sent_ him to me?”

“Yes, _dumbass,_ ” Kihyun replied, throwing his hands up in a Hail Mary. “Did he even manage to get the invitation to you before he went and broke you?”

“ _Hyung,_ ” Changkyun whined, “I told you guys I didn’t want a birthday party this year.”

Jooheon spoke up. “We know this and we love you. But this is _tradition,_ Kyun, and Hoseok flew all the way here just to see your soulmark...c’mon, we had no choice.”

“So you decided to do it by throwing an invitation at me and running away?” Changkyun sighed. “I would’ve understood if you had mentioned Hoseok. But I didn’t even get a chance to help; do you guys remember what kind of cake I like? I’m very particular about my cake choice.”

With that, the tension in the room dispelled, and Kihyun walked over to throw his arms around his adoptive little brother. “There’s the Kyun we know and love.”

The doctor came in and kicked the group out; they went begrudgingly, Kihyun fixing Hoseok with a level stare as he slipped through the threshold. Changkyun’s left arm was casted and wrapped, and he was given instructions on how to manage the next six weeks. They left the emergency room with Hoseok’s swirling signature prominent on Changkyun’s ebony cast and a text from Kihyun telling them to meet at the apartment.

The drive home was peaceful, Hoseok navigating the streets of his university with ease even after two years of being gone. Changkyun asked about his job, his hobbies, his boyfriend-now-fiancé Kim Seokjin who was now a doctor where they lived in Korea. Hoseok was doing well, incredibly well, and he looked happier than he had ever looked when Changkyun had been with him every day. Changkyun felt a little lighter as they pulled into a guest parking spot in the apartment complex knowing that another one of his friends was being treated well by his soulmate. _Maybe this wasn’t so scary after all._

Once in the apartment, Hoseok left Changkyun’s side to go searching for Jooheon’s cats who he hadn’t seen since they were kittens. Yoshi and Gucci spent most of their time in Jooheon and Changkyun’s room lounging on the loft bed but quickly ran to the living room to perch on Hoseok’s lap as the boy petted them enthusiastically. The boys all sprawled out on the couch, a horrendous TLC show playing on the TV in the background, and Kihyun whipped out the trusty event planner binder he always had on hand when the group was planning a party.

Changkyun groaned. “Oh, God, this means it’s going to be a _party_ party.”

Changkyun was quickly bundled up in a blanket and thrown onto the couch next to Hoseok. He tuned out the conversation, instead examining his new cast with fascination. He had never broken a bone before and was actually kinda into it.

Hoseok looked at him, noticing his junior examining the cast, and hissed through his teeth.

“I’m so sorry again, Kyun. And it’s your dominant hand, too - you’re not going to be able to see your _soulmark_ with your twenty-first so soon.”

Now Changkyun hadn’t thought about _that,_ and his smile widened a little. Not being able to _see_ the soulmark meant that the soulmark wouldn’t be the star of the show, which meant that nobody would be pestering him about every single person he’d ever known with the star sign on his wrist like he’d experienced at every other coming-of-age party. This changed things, and the relief washed over him like a tidal wave. Suddenly, things didn’t seem so bad.

Hoseok noticed Changkyun’s shoulders relax and smiled wryly.

“Remember that this party is for _you_ and not for your soulmate. We’re celebrating you making it to twenty-one, not giving you away or anything. No matter what, you’ll still be Kyun.”

Kihyun hummed in agreement, one arm propped up on the coffee table as he lazily circled things in the binder. “We’re not going to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, Kyun – we know you’re stressed about this whole situation and we don’t want to make things worse. But we love you and we want to celebrate you; that’s why we’re doing this.”

Changkyun felt the smile on his face grow before he even realized it. In all his internalized panic, he had forgotten that birthdays were more of a celebration than anything. It was frankly silly of him to have even thought that his friends would pressure him into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable doing – just because Hyunwoo and Kihyun and Jooheon and Minhyuk had met so easily didn’t mean they hadn’t watched their classmates struggle and sweat through the soulmate experience. Changkyun knew without a doubt that none of them would ever want to put Changkyun in a position where he would feel pressured to share something about himself that he didn’t feel comfortable dealing with himself yet.

Hoseok put an arm on Changkyun’s shoulder, shoving him lightly. “You’ve never been good with soulmate stuff. We all know this. The goal we have for this is to let you forget for a little while and just celebrate making it through twenty-one years of life. We don’t expect you to immediately sell your soul to the first person who colors your mark. Life is more complex than that.”

Changkyun nodded, adjusting his injured arm as he leaned across the table to look at Kihyun’s planning binder. Kihyun hissed – literally _hissed_ at him and snatched it away.

Changkyun raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry, kid,” Kihyun shrugged, stashing the binder back under the coffee table. “This is confidential information that will not be revealed until the party. You cannot see.”

“Kihyun hyung!” Changkyun exclaimed, flopping over Hoseok’s thighs in defeat. “You give me a pep talk and then don’t let me help? How can I trust you if I don’t know what’s being planned?”

Kihyun reached over and flicked the youngest on the forehead. “You have to learn to trust us, kid. We’re going to make this a great party but we need you to trust us.”

Changkyun fell back into the cushions and pouted, Hoseok laughing and slinging an arm around the maknae’s shoulders. Kihyun stood up, saying something about getting an ice pack and a towel to reduce the swelling under Changkyun’s cast, and Jooheon changed the input on the TV back to the movie he claimed was his favorite and watched at least once a week. Everyone who spent a good amount of time at the apartment had _The Notebook_ memorized, as much as they absolutely hated it, but it was hard to say no to Jooheon’s puppy eyes, so Changkyun chose to just zone out as Hoseok ran his hands through Changkyun’s soft dark hair.

Kihyun returned with the ice pack and the towel, groaning in exasperation as he saw the movie once again on the TV but going to wrap Changkyun’s arm instead of striking up the same fight the two had at least three times a week. The ice felt really nice on Changkyun’s arm, and he was settling into his position with a content smile on his face when the doorbell rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again, everyone!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the incredible feedback on this fic so far! I'm seriously blown away. I'm so happy you guys are enjoying it so far and I hope I can stay up to your standards! Please, again, feel free to reach out to me if you want to let me know anything. Please enjoy and I'll see you next week! <3


	4. Chapter 4

Minhyuk got up to open the door and immediately threw himself onto the newcomer.

Changkyun went through all of the catalogued people he knew in his life that Minhyuk would react so excitedly to. The first was obviously Jooheon, but Jooheon was currently hanging off the couch upside-down like a bat while Hyunwoo attempted to throw popcorn into his mouth.The second was Minhyuk’s younger brother who was currently serving in the military. Minhyuk didn’t see him often so he was always super excited whenever he could visit.

The third was Hyungwon, and Changkyun’s suspicions were proven correct when the prince himself stepped through the threshold and into the hallway.

As much as Changkyun disliked Hyungwon’s snippy personality, he could admit fairly easily that the boy was very attractive. He was slim but toned and had the longest legs Changkyun had, frankly, ever seen. His hair was dyed platinum blonde, usually incredibly well-kept but currently with the addition of dark roots peeking out from the hairline, and his eyes were big and doe-like. He had soft-looking lips and soft-looking skin and was generally very soft-looking.

His personality was all but soft, though, and the disapproving glint in the prince’s eye as he noticed Changkyun on the couch just reaffirmed that.

Hyungwon waved awkwardly as he toed off his expensive shoes, dropping his backpack (designer, of _course,_ ) at the door. Kihyun, Jooheon and Shownu waved back, but Hoseok stayed frozen in his spot as Hyungwon made his way over to the living room.

“Hyungwon’s just here for the moment to pick up some notes for an exam,” Minhyuk explained, one arm looped around Hyungwon’s. 

“Hyungwon, it’s no trouble; you can stay if you want,” Kihyun said, waving a hand dismissively. “We’re just planning Changkyun’s party.”

Changkyun sent murderous eyes to his hyung, who blinked back nonchalantly.

“Oh?” A small smile curled at the ends of Hyungwon’s lips. “A birthday?”

“He’s turning twenty-one,” Shownu replied, and Changkyun turned to cast his glare on the oldest of the household. “We’re just doing something small, but it was important.”

Then, of course, Minhyuk had to chime in. “You should come, Wonnie!”

Hyungwon shifted his gaze to Changkyun, eyes guarded. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be intruding! Isn’t that right, Kyunnie?” Kihyun’s eyes were dark as he looked at the youngest in the room. “We need someone to help finish the cake.”

Changkyun’s words died on his tongue. 

“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” he answered lamely. “You can come.”

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow. “Alright, maybe I will. Thank you for the invitation. Should I bring anything?”

With that, Kihyun launched into his spiel, and Changkyun tuned the room out once more to put a hand on Hoseok.

“Hey, are you okay?” He whispered this, leaning in close so his freshman year best friend could hear him without anyone else listening in.

Hoseok waved him off, eyes still clouded. “I’ll tell you when we’re alone.”

True to his word, Hoseok didn’t say anything until everyone was nestled in their beds. Jooheon had brought the old leather couch from his childhood room when he and Changkyun had moved into their room in the apartment, and Hoseok claimed it to give Kihyun and Hyunwoo some space as the two were still working shifts. Jooheon fell fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Changkyun was restless, his wrist throbbing even after the painkillers and too much on his mind.

“Kyun?” Hoseok’s voice was quiet, but Changkyun was close enough to hear him.

Changkyun pushed himself up to a sitting position. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Do you remember that boy I used to date, back while I was going to school here?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun responded, remembering Hoseok’s college boyfriend. Hoseok was hopelessly in love with the boy - he was a year above Changkyun but Changkyun never met him before Hoseok met his soulmate and was forced to break up with him. This resulted in a week-long bout of depression where Hoseok refused to leave his apartment and Changkyun became the designated runner bringing him food and turning in his on-campus assignments. Hoseok had taken months to fully recover before he was able to give himself over to Seokjin and began planning his life for the future.

“Yeah. That boy was Hyungwon.”

Changkyun’s blood ran cold. “You’re _kidding me._ ”  
Hoseok was bizarrely serious as he answered. “Yeah; that was the first time I’d seen him since the night I went and broke up with him.”

Changkyun whistled through his teeth. “Jesus Christ. Okay, that was not what I expected.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok laughed, the sound humorless. “It looks like the life has been drained out of him.”

Changkyun thought about that comment long after the conversation was over and Hoseok crashed curled up on the couch. He lay awake for what felt like hours afterwards, weighing his options. On one hand, he could approach the situation directly and apologize to Hyungwon for being so combative right off the bat. There were a variety of reason Hyungwon might have been on-edge at the time Changkyun had met him - Changkyun knew firsthand what pressure could do to a person, and he had no doubt that Hyungwon lived with intense pressure on his shoulders at all time, being known as the prince of the university - and Changkyun hadn’t even given him a chance before snapping right back at him. Perhaps the two boys could even rekindle what was left of a cordial relationship and Changkyun could begin to learn more about the elusive boy with the dead-looking eyes who dressed him three times a week.

All of these thoughts immediately went out the door the next day at his session with Hyungwon.

Hyungwon’s eyes were on Changkyun as soon as he walked through the door of the modeling room. The blonde boy sighed rather dramatically, setting his sketchbook down and leaning one palm on the countertop as he waited for his model to join him.

It was weird, how Hyungwon always wore long sleeves. Changkyun had assumed he might get cold easily, or just couldn’t be bothered enough to bring a jacket to throw on and off for school, but Hyungwon wore long sleeves _everywhere_. The third time Changkyun saw Hyungwon perched on a barstool in their apartment, which Kihyun always kept warm in the winter because he was sensitive to the cold, in a full-length double-breasted coat, he knew something was up. And it wasn’t long before he wondered if his soulmark was the reason.

Soulmarks were a tricky thing for some people. The vast majority of society experienced soulmarks in a linear trajectory - gain a black soulmark on their twenty-first birthday, find and meet their soulmate which would turn their soulmark a color, fall in love and eventually get married. Some people’s soulmates were their childhood friends, as in the case of Kihyun and Hyunwoo, but most people met their soulmates around or after their soulmark manifested.

And some people didn’t get a soulmark at all.

Those people, sometimes called “Blanks”, either have faulty soulmates or are faulty themselves. Blanks could be soulmateless due to an accident that takes their soulmate too early for the soulmark to form, or they could be aromantic and desire only to form platonic connections. Everyone knew a Blank or two by the time they came of age, but it was never really something Changkyun had even thought about - he was far too scared of losing his soulmate once they’d been marked to even think about possibly being a Blank, and he was the type of person to roll with the punches he was thrown either way, so if that was his fate then so be it. But society wasn’t nearly as forgiving as Changkyun was - Blanks were often cast out, shunned by the social network they were once beloved in, and they were often forced to hide their dominant wrists in order to obtain jobs and friends so they could stay safe from the cruel judgment of the outside world. It would make sense, if Hyungwon was a Blank, that he would want to hide it.

But Hyungwon was past twenty-one and his father still looked at him with love and respect. His friends, although few and far between, were fiercely loyal and treated him as their leader, which was something absolutely unheard of for Blanks. Hyungwon couldn’t possibly be a Blank, so there was really no reason for him to be hiding the way he was hiding.

Unless, of course, he already _knew_ his soulmate and was ashamed of them.

Hyungwon was deep in the midst of his sketching when he first addressed Changkyun.

“You fucked up your arm,” he announced.

Changkyun rolled his eyes. “You saw me yesterday. That’s when I fucked up my arm.”

“You really don’t think, do you?” Hyungwon sighed, turning back to his sketchbook. “I have a show in five weeks and I was expecting you to be there. Now I have to find someone else.”

Changkyun glared. “Wow, thanks for asking me how I am. _Jackass._ ” The last part was whispered under his breath, but Hyungwon turned his piercing eyes back to him regardless.

“Do you want the job or not?”

Changkyun just swallowed.

“ _Answer me._ ”

“Yes,” Changkyun hissed. “I still want the job.”

“Well,” Hyungwon replied, pushing his bangs back behind his ears. “Then talk with your doctor and figure out how to get the cast off before the show. I will design with that in mind.”

Changkyun was surprised; he was half expecting Hyungwon to fire him on the spot, and the gesture of designing with a cast in mind was the most cordial thing he’d done so far. Hyungwon passed him a garment that functioned like a tank top, and Changkyun pulled off his shirt as his designer made some notes on one of the thousand little sticky notes in his sketchbook.

Changkyun was halfway through the garment when Hyungwon spoke up, voice quiet.

“Your birthday’s in two days, is it not?”

“Yeah,” Changkyun replied lamely. “You’re coming to the party.”

Hyungwon hummed in recognition, pinning a pattern piece to some shiny black fabric.

“And you’re left-handed?”

Changkyun knew what he was getting at, and his ears started to burn.

“Yeah.”

Hyungwon looked up. “How are you going to see your soulmark?”

With that, the question was up in the air. Hyungwon looked genuinely curious, and Changkyun really just felt like throwing on his hoodie and running to the nearest empty classroom to hide. In all honesty, his soulmark was the furthest thing on his mind - Hoseok was here, and Changkyun’s entire world always colored when Hoseok was around, not to mention the fact that all discussion had quickly turned to the socialization aspect of the party being planned rather than the purpose of the party. But he felt the fluttering of nervousness in his stomach now.

Of _course_ he’d managed to severely injure his dominant hand mere days from his soulmarking day. He hadn’t even processed it in all the chaos, but this was _big_ trouble. His entire family would be calling him, asking him what star sign he’d gotten, if he knew his soulmate or if he’d met them yet, and he wouldn’t know until weeks later. 

Hyungwon looked at him with what almost looked like pity, and Changkyun just threw him a look. Hyungwon responded wordlessly with his eyes dancing with laughter.

“Yeah, I’m fucking stupid, I get it,” Changkyun groaned, stripping off the tank top and throwing it at Hyungwon. The designer caught it, genuinely laughing for the first time in Changkyun’s presence, and Changkyun’s heart strangely flipped as the boy folded the garment neatly.

“Pack up,” Hyungwon replied. “I got the measurements I need and I’m sure Kihyun hyung is going to put your broken ass in gear to clean house before the party. Thank you for your work today.”

Changkyun raised an eyebrow. “You’re being so nice to me, Mr. Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon looked him funny. “Don’t push your luck, kid. I’m just tired and I have homework for other classes that I need to get done. Go home.”

And so Changkyun left with a strange feeling, something akin to almost excitement on the tip of his tongue as he wandered his way to the school’s coffee shop to pick up a cappuccino before heading back to the apartment. 

Hyungwon was an enigma, someone that even the highly observant Changkyun struggled to read, but he was willing to continue to give Hyungwon a chance as long as he possibly could. _For Minhyuk’s sake, of course._

Changkyun nursed his drink on the bus ride home, lost in thought. Kihyun had texted in the apartment group chat a few times, asking Hyunwoo to run by the corner store for balloons after his shift tomorrow night and telling Jooheon to vacuum because Yoshi had broken a vase in the kitchen, but Changkyun felt just a little too far away to respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Chapter 4! :D Thank you again for your incredible support; as always, feel free to leave a comment and tell me your thoughts!
> 
> I'm going to keep trying to update once a week until this fic is done, but some chapters may possibly have to be postponed a week because I'm in the middle of a medical scare right now. I'm planning on trying my absolute best to get the fic done so I can just update as we go, but I wanted to warn everyone in case I miss a week! Thank you for being so supportive as I update and telling me how you feel about the fic so far. Once this is done, I promise I'll have many more Monsta X fanfictions in the works, including quite a few Hyungkyun ones! <3 Cheers, and I hope you have a great week!


	5. Chapter 5

_(Possible trigger warning in this chapter: mention of alcohol and excessive drinking!)_

Hyungwon knocked hesitantly against the door, trying his best not to turn tail and run away.

He had come, just as promised, to Changkyun’s twenty-first birthday party. He had spent nearly an hour getting dressed, throwing nearly half of his closet across his twin-sized bed before selecting an outfit, and had stopped by the convenience store near his apartment to pick up a bottle of wine and a succulent that he taped a card to as a makeshift present.

Despite working closely with Changkyun the past few weeks, Hyungwon could readily admit he knew next to nothing about the kid. Changkyun was strong-willed and hardheaded, that much he knew for sure, but he was also strangely secretive, especially when it came to himself. Hyungwon had gotten bits and pieces from Minhyuk and Changkyun’s other roommates, but even they seemed to skirt around many of the bits in his background that would have made his personality make sense, whether that be out of respect for the boy or to save Hyungwon from a long explanation. Either way, Hyungwon was clueless, and he _hated_ being clueless.

His nerves, however, weren’t directed at Changkyun.

What a startling surprise it was, seeing his ex-boyfriend perched on the apartment’s couch when Hyungwon had walked in. In truth, Hyungwon hadn’t spoken to Hoseok since their break-up two years ago, but that hadn’t stopped him from missing him desperately every day since.

Hyungwon was, in the barest sense, desperately lonely. He had been alone his whole life – not physically, necessarily, since he did have his parents on his side and those few close friends he’d had throughout life – and Hoseok had been a light in the darkness Hyungwon didn’t think he was ever going to lose. He was convinced Hoseok was his soulmate, even going so far as to drawing a Pisces symbol on his right wrist in private in hopes one day it would be permanent.

So when Hoseok’s soulmark matched another person’s and Hoseok, who had always looked at Hyungwon with love and admiration, looked at Hyungwon with so much pain and so many apologies as he told Hyungwon they would never make it In such a traditional world, Hyungwon swore to himself that, no matter who his soulmate was, he would never fall in love again.

Get married, have children, and pass on the bloodline, sure. His parents would expect nothing less from their trophy child, their golden boy whom they bestowed so many responsibilities and expectations on from such a young age, and Hyungwon wasn’t one to disappoint.

But Hyungwon wasn’t going to give his heart to someone if they could one day break it.

The door in front of him opened and Kihyun’s head peeked out. Kihyun was scarily pretty, even in his half-awake coffee-driven stupor that he lived in most days, but he had gone out of his way to coif up his hair and smudge some eyeliner on his eyes tonight, and Hyungwon was once again incredibly bitter that he was stuck with Changkyun as a model for his fashion. _Kihyun would look great in his pieces, and Kihyun wouldn’t break his goddamn arm._

Kihyun beckoned Hyungwon in with a smile, and Hyungwon stepped through the threshold into what felt like the combination of a five-year-old’s birthday and a raving night club.

The theme seemed to be sharks, to Hyungwon’s amusement. The hallway wall boasted a three-foot vinyl banner with HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY IM CHANGKYUN on it in bubble letters and horribly Photoshopped cartoon sharks all over the border. There was a horrifying amount of alcohol strewn across the counter, which Hyungwon added his bottle of wine to, and some unfamiliar faces were already throwing back shots in the kitchen. There was a pin-the-fins-on-the-shark poster on the wall leading from the kitchen to the living room and most of the guests were either sprawled across the couch or sitting criss-cross on the floor talking. There were a pile of games on the coffee table and a pile of gifts on the kitchen table.

Minhyuk beckoned Hyungwon over from his position curled into Jooheon. Hyunwoo was sitting on the opposite end of the sofa talking with a boy Hyungwon vaguely recognized as Hoseok’s new boyfriend Seokjin, and Changkyun had been tossed onto an oversized beanbag chair he was sharing with Hoseok. Hyungwon felt goosebumps trail over his limbs as he looked at the two boys who were currently awkwardly spooning while Hoseok tried to take selfies and Changkyun pushed his phone away, and turned away quickly to avoid any unsavory feelings.

“Come on over! We’re about to play Cards Against Humanity,” Minhyuk shouted, Hyungwon and a few guests around him wincing at Minhyuk’s slightly slurred intonation and the sheer volume of his voice. 

“Then we’re going to get plastered and go swimming.”

Kihyun appeared behind Hyungwon, lips pursed. “Where will you be going swimming?”

Minhyuk waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, we’ll find a place.”

Hyungwon made to settle down on the floor near the television, but Hoseok got up abruptly, throwing a complaining Changkyun to the floor.

“I’ll go sit with Jin, Hyungwon – take my spot, guests don’t sit on the floor!”

Hyungwon’s eyes widened, but Hoseok’s eyes were nothing but gentle. This was something Hyungwon hadn’t expected in the least – not only was Hoseok directly addressing him, but he was doing it in a way that harbored no resentment whatsoever. Looking at him closer, Hoseok objectively looked better than he ever had in college – the dark circles under his eyes were gone, and he had filled out, his arms far larger than Hyungwon had ever remembered them being. He looked _happy,_ sickeningly so, and the emotions building up in Hyungwon’s throat was such a terrifying experience that he momentarily blacked out.

When he came to, he realized where he was, and he bit back a groan of exasperation.

Changkyun blinked at him owlishly. Hyungwon was far closer to the birthday boy than he could ever possibly have wanted to be, now that Hyungwon had somehow managed to wedge himself into the beanbag next to Changkyun but, with one excited look from Minhyuk, Hyungwon decided he might as well bite the bullet and stay where he was.

Up close, Changkyun’s features were far more delicate than they were far away. He had always had a rather large nose, but it worked for him, his eyes sloping ever-so-slightly and his lips full and expressive with his emotions. Despite him being a massive pain in the ass, Changkyun was pretty, which was one of the main reasons he and Hyungwon had come into contact in the first place. But Hyungwon found himself strangely looking closer and closer, committing the boy’s features to memory in a fashion he hadn’t done to anyone in years.

“Hyung,” Changkyun spoke, snapping his fingers in front of Hyungwon’s face. “You don’t have to sit with me if you’re going to look like we’re dipping you in hot oil.”

A few pairs of eyes looked at Hyungwon expectantly.

“I’m fine here,” Hyungwon huffed, burrowing deeper into the beanbag for good measure. “None of this bothers me in the slightest.”

Changkyun’s eyes were wide when Hyungwon finally turned back in his direction, but he didn’t say anything to thwart Hyungwon’s plan. Instead, the boy simply settled in, and Hyungwon cursed himself for enjoying the feeling of a human being close to his body for the first time in what felt like ages. Changkyun was warm and Hyungwon was so desperately lonely.

The festivities began when Minhyuk began dealing out hands of cards. He announced that they would play in pairs of two because there were “too many goddamn people in this house right now” and Changkyun and Hyungwon ended up as a duo.

Strangely, despite their vast oceans of personal differences, Changkyun and Hyungwon worked well together. Hyungwon discovered that, when the anxiety diffused and he was in his element, Changkyun was _funny_ \- Hyungwon caught himself laughing just a little too hard at just a few too many of the younger boy’s jokes, effectively blocking out the fond glances he knew Hoseok was sending their way. For the first time in years, Hyungwon threw his dignity to the wolves and said some of the downright dirtiest things he’d ever said. He rode on the high of the vibe at the party, reveling in the laughter that rose around the room when he spun his words a certain way, ribbed Changkyun for fumbling with their cards, gave satisfying high-fives around the table when a particularly good hand was dealt.

At some point, a few rounds in, a red Solo cup was pressed into Hyungwon’s free hand, and he drank it without thinking. He realized about ten minutes in how bad an idea this was when the room started spinning.

Despite being a senior at university with his own share of friends, Chae Hyungwon didn’t usually drink. The only times he really drank alcohol were at fancy dinners at his grandparents’ houses, and that usually consisted of half a glass of low-concentrate wine over a period of several hours. What was in Hyungwon’s cup, he realized far too late, was a frighteningly good coverup of the college party specialty – he was drinking a trashcan. One look over at the sofa told him that Jooheon was the culprit, since he was now mixing drinks and passing them around to waiting hands, and Hyungwon vaguely considered killing Jooheon with his bare hands before he tried to stand up and stumbled hard.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Someone sprung up and grabbed Hyungwon’s arm as he half-fell and, when Hyungwon looked up through bleary eyes, he saw it was Hoseok’s boyfriend. Seokjin steadied him before bringing him over to the sofa, setting him down slowly. Hoseok lay a hand on Hyungwon’s arm, eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?”

Hyungwon waved them off, giggling slightly despite the situation. Looking around, the group of party guests were in various states of disarray – Hoseok and Seokjin seemed by far the most sober, but Changkyun was staring at Hyungwon’s form with unfocused eyes and Minhyuk was completely passed out on the couch where Jooheon had been sitting. The card game was strewn across the coffee table, hands of cards discarded.

“Hyungwon, you don’t drink,” Hoseok groaned, reaching around to jab Minhyuk in the side. “You, idiot, you _know_ he doesn’t drink. What did you give him?”

Jooheon cringed, slowly setting down the bottle of vodka he had uncapped.

“I,uh…I might’ve given him a trashcan.”

Hoseok’s eyes were damn near murderous as he whipped around. “You _what?_ ”

Jooheon held his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he didn’t drink!”

Changkyun stood then, looking far steadier than most of his friends as he circled a hand around Hyungwon’s wrist. “It’s okay, I’ve got him. I’ll make him go throw it up.”

Hyungwon tried to resist, pulling his arm as hard as he could as Changkyun dragged him up the stairs to the bathroom he shared with Jooheon. Hyungwon stumbled as he scaled the steps, his free hand trailing along the guard rails, and he barely registered he had moved until he was already up the stairs and sitting in front of the toilet with an expectant Changkyun sitting on the lip of the bathtub above him.

“Hyungwon.” Changkyun was gentle but firm, looking at him with an analytical gaze as Hyungwon tilted a bit trying to sit up straight. “Are you going to be okay?”

Naturally, Hyungwon knew he could probably just throw up the mess of alcohol in his stomach and spend the rest of the night slightly sick but very sober. He was sure that, with a bit of coaxing, the boys would turn on a movie and the rest of the night could be relaxing and calm.

But Hyungwon was under the influence already, for the first time since he could honestly remember, and he felt safe here, sprawled out on the tile in front of a boy he barely knew. He knew that Hoseok was looking out for him, as he always had, and that Jooheon and Minhyuk were veteran enough to know how to get properly messed up without dying of a hangover the next day.

So Hyungwon made an executive decision and reached out to lay a hand on Changkyun’s knee.

“If I have any say in the matter, I want to forget my own name tonight.”

Changkyun blinked owlishly. “Who are you and what have you done with Hyungwon?”

In a burst of energy and confidence, Hyungwon shot up, grabbing Changkyun’s hand and pulling him towards the door. “I said what I said; now let’s _go._ ”

He didn’t stop to look back when Changkyun smiled, a genuine smile that lit up his features as he watched the boy who was always so put together fumble his way back down the staircase and press a cup into Changkyun’s hands. Not one to be one-upped, Changkyun took the entire situation as a challenge and downed the cup in a matter of seconds, slamming the cup back down on the counter while Jooheon looked at him horrified.

“You only live once, right?” Changkyun grinned, making grabby hands at the bottle of Fireball next to Jooheon’s makeshift drink mixing station. “A little bird told me to have fun tonight.”

Hyungwon wrapped his fingers around a bottle of hard lemonade that Minhyuk, who had somehow woken up in the time they had been gone and now had fire in his eyes as he looked at his friends start to try and trash themselves. Jooheon sighed as he cracked open a Dr. Pepper and poured a generous amount of the cinnamon whiskey into it under Changkyun’s eager gaze. The kid grabbed the drink and downed that one as well, stumbling back with a giggle and latching onto Hyungwon’s arm to steady himself.

“Kyun, it’s almost midnight,” Hoseok said from the couch, looking equal parts uncomfortable and concerned as he watched his college friend drink himself into a stupor in ten seconds flat. “Are you sure you want to be doing this right now?”

Changkyun, who now had his hands wrapped around a cocktail someone had left out, shook his head. “Absolutely. It’s not like we’re going to find out who my soulmate is anyway, and I honestly don’t care enough to try and think too hard about it anyway.”

The occasion at hand had finally seemed to have caught up with Changkyun because the boy began to drink like a sailor. Hyungwon, still developing a taste for the burn in the back of his throat every time he took a drink, began to hang back more and more, though _definitely_ not because he was ever-so-slightly enjoying watching Changkyun lose his inhibitions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, kids! Long time no see!
> 
> I'm so sorry for disappearing - I had a lot on my plate physically and mentally and had to go back to my parents' house for a little while. I'm back, though, and better than ever! Thank you so much for all your patience and your incredible support on this story so far. I don't think I've ever gotten this many comments on a piece before, and I'm just thrilled you guys are enjoying it. I promise I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure it ends strong as well!
> 
> As always, please let me know how you're feeling! If you're into Stray Kids, I have a new Han/Hyunjin fic up and am working on an array of fics for fun as I continue to update this one. Let me know if there are any particular pairings you want more from, and I'll try to keep that in mind as I'm outlining my next few projects!
> 
> Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay happy. Love you all, and enjoy!


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